Recently I posted a picture of a luxury RV on Facebook with the text, “Putting it out there in the universe. Our one year goal is to have this RV and travel this beautiful country”. Many people liked the post and commented. Some had a similar goal and some even already had an RV and were traveling. The post got a lot of engagement for sure. But one woman commented that she really thought about the post and was trying to gain confidence and lose fear of mistakes and criticism.
First, I thought it was great that she publicly admitted that she had a lack of self confidence and had these fears. Perhaps me having the confidence and lack of fear to post to the public about a goal like that made her think about her herself. Maybe she thought, “Would I ever be that bold?”
I wasn’t always as confident and lacking of fears as I am now. It came from personal growth and self development. And, a lot of hard work! If someone really wants to gain self confidence and lose fear perhaps what I can share of my own journey will help.
Find Someone You Admire and Study Them
Six years ago I was fortunate enough to reconnect with a man who introduced me to a world I never thought I would be a part of, Joe Locke. And another gentleman that is the epitome of self confidence, Gregg Amerman. I studied these 2 people. Whenever I saw them speak in public or in training seminars I took notes, not just on what they said but how they said. I would ask them why they chose to say something at a particular time or why they would say something a certain way. I watched videos and listened to conference calls they did over and over again. Now I tell people that I didn’t have confidence when I started, so I stole theirs!
Become Really Good at What You Do
There’s no replacement for the hard work it takes to become really good or great at something. But if you want to gain self confidence and lose fear you have to become really good at what you do. You typically can’t do that sitting in your home office. What I did was attend about 45 seminars that the two men I’ve mentioned did.
As I studied these two men and applied what they were teaching me I become really good at my business. My wife Shirley, who is my business partner, and I got great results. People began to admire and compliment us. And, we got a lot of compliments and recognition from these two men both publicly and privately.
If People Haven’t Achieved What You Want, Don’t Worry About What They Say
As our business grew and I was perceived as a leader in my company my self confidence also grew. I began hosting conference calls, doing YouTube videos, and developed a business page on Facebook. I developed a website and blog. It’s critical that you constantly stretch yourself and not worry about if you’ll be good or not. You’ll never know until you do it.
I was starting to let go of the fear of being judged by others for putting myself out there publicly and promoting myself and what I do. I started to realize a couple of things. The people that I was afraid of being criticized by don’t pay my bills and they don’t have in life what I want to have. And, Gregg Amerman and Joe Locke did have what I wanted both personally and professionally. They were giving me praise and that became all that mattered.
I actually got a lot of support and praise for what I was doing. Of course, the people that didn’t quite approve wouldn’t say anything anyway because they probably didn’t have the self confidence to challenge my new self confidence.
It’s So True. You’ve Got to Face Your Fears
But all of this didn’t mean that I had no more fears. One major fear I had was speaking in public. I had no problem doing a video and speaking on a conference call. It was speaking in front of people that got to me. I recall getting up to speak with a microphone in my hand on a few occasions and visibly shaking. The audience saw it, and I know they saw it. It was embarrassing and I beat myself up a lot for it.
I realized that if I wanted to feel really good about myself and reach another level of success in my network marketing business I was going to have to conquer this fear. If you want to gain self confidence and lose fear, you have to attack those fears. I signed up for Toast Masters and that helped me. Then there was an opportunity to attend a training Gregg Amerman conducts called “Stage Presence”. It’s a 4 Day intensive workshop for learning how to speak in public. It tears you down and builds you back up. It’s one of the toughest things I have ever gone through.
One of the aspects of it is that you go through exercises to show your emotions. During one such exercise you randomly pick a slip of paper with an emotion written on it and you to act out that emotion. The emotion I picked ironically was “fear”. I don’t know exactly where this came from but I threw myself against the wall as if I was being violently pushed by someone. I acted out a scene where I was being held up at gun point and robbed. I went deeper into my soul to act this out then I believe I had ever gone before. I physically felt it. It was a major breakthrough.
Do It Over and Over Again
But even after this experience I still wasn’t over my fear of speaking in public. I was able to now speak at times without showing nervousness. It didn’t mean I wasn’t nervous. I just wasn’t showing it. Gregg Amerman and Joe Locke then asked me to be a trainer on their team. This meant I’d be flying around to cities in the U.S. conducting 2 day seminars on my own eventually. To be honest, I didn’t know if I could pull it off. But they obviously they thought I could. So I accepted. By the way that’s a big key. I could have said no and played it safe. But that wouldn’t have gotten me where I’m at today.
I recall the first time I was in front of about 80 people to do a portion of the training for the first time. I was very nervous and it showed at first. But when you are all alone up there and there’s no life raft you learn to swim. I calmed myself down and did a good job. Part of the reason why is that I knew the material and had practiced over and over again at home.
Today I do travel the country and conduct these seminars on my own. I still get nervous but have found ways of overcoming the nervousness. One way is to read affirmations about my confidence and my value as a speaker and trainer before I go up to speak. But I still need to conquer the big stage in front of hundreds of people. I know it’s only because I haven’t done it very often. But I have done it and look forward to kicking that fear in the butt too!
Gain Self Confidence and Lose Fear
In summary developing self confidence and overcoming fears is about 3 things. Find someone or some people to model yourself after. People that you respect, admire and have achieved what you want to achieve. Don’t worry about judgment from people that don’t have what you want. And, attack your fears. Do what scares you most. You’ll find that Franklin Roosevelt was right. The thing you fear most is the fear. Because the result you’ll get you make you feel great!
Dale Guiducci is one half of Tenacity & Heart along with his with, Shirley Guiducci. After years of struggle they broke through and became successful home-based entrepreneurs. In this blog, in social media and on podcasts they share their journey and the key component that made all the difference. Dale is also a entrepreneur trainer with Entrepreneurs International. To find out more, visit www.DaleandShirley.com
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